the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
