Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize