Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
