ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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