Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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