It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
