I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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