About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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