He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
