your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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