So drunk its hurt
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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