I CAN MOONWALK!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
