Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
