So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think your dad took our porno
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
