just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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