Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
