Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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