I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
