She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
