Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
