You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize