why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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