Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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