omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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