why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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