it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
