i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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