Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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