Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
