This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize