Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
