she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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