You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
