As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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