Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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