I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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