he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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