there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
