fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You are a genius and a whore.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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