mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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