the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
