So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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