Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize