respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
