shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
