Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
