Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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