Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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