he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
