Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
