There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
