i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
