Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
