I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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