I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
