pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
