My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
