So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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