im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
