everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just made my gag reflex go away.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
