Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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