This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
