i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Randomize
