When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
