I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
