so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize