he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
