He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
