I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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